3 Keys to Improving Relationships
Personal Growth: Solve Relationship Problems in Love, Friendship
Jan 21, 2009
In his recent book, Personal Development for Smart People: the Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth, Steve Pavlina develops three core principles applicable to all facets of personal development. This article describes how one applies the three core principles -- Truth, Love, and Power -- to solve relationship problems. The process is the same whether the relationship being considered is a romantic one, a friendship, or that of a family member.
Truth in Improving Relationships
As with any potential life change, the first step should be an assessment of current reality. Pavlina suggests beginning this process with the core principle of Truth by honestly assessing one's current relationship. Is it a source of happiness, connection, and empowerment? Examine not only what the relationship brings, but also what each party contributes to it. Is the relationship deep and intimate or shallow and distant?
Based on the truth of current reality, predict the future direction of the relationship. Does it appear the relationship can strengthen beyond where it is now? The prediction might be easier by imagining a friend in the same situation was seeking this advice.
Emotions and Perceptions
One's emotional feedback is an excellent and truthful indicator of relationships. Are there positive or negative emotions associated with thinking of this relationship? Applying truth to relationships also leads to the understanding that relationships have only the meaning that one attributes to them. Relationships exist in the mind and are viewed through perceptions.
Commitment Solves Relationship Problems
A relationship, whether between friends or lovers, is only as strong and long lasting as the commitment of each party. Every relationship has rough edges and difficult times. Commitment and the intention to continue are critical factors for any relationship.
Applying Love to Relationship Improvement
Love is perhaps the most important fundamental component of improving relationships. A relationship strengthens when approached with unconditional love and weakens when limited by conditional affection. Though people often ascribe love to the qualities and behaviors of others, the truth is that one decides to love.
To apply the principle of love to a relationship, decide to honestly connect and allow connection to the other person. Connection is a two-way path, requiring a person to both share and accept sharing. The primary path of connection is communication. One's words, actions, and emotions must be openly and honestly shared.
There is risk involved in fully open and honest communication, as intimate sharing makes a person vulnerable. However, this is a necessary risk one must undertake to strengthen the connection.
Power and Relationships
Pavlina defines the principle of Power as "the ability to consciously and deliberately create your surroundings." In this context, Power is not domination over another person, but relates more to taking responsibility for the relationship. A person does this by committing their strengths, abilities, and intentions to improvement of the relationship. Though a relationship involves two or more people, each party must commit their best to the relationship.
A strong relationship is empowering, not only allowing but encouraging each other to be their best and follow their passions. Attempts by one party to control or dominate the other will weaken a relationship in the long run. The strongest relationships not only allow and encourage individual expression, but celebrate it.
One might consider adopting this affirmation for a relationship: "What I want for you is what you want for you."
Truth Love and Power
Apply the core principles of Truth, Love, and Power to improve all relationships, whether with friends, family, or lovers.
Source: Personal Development for Smart People, The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth, Hay House Inc. 2008
 |
 |
