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Dealing with Critical People

How to Handle Being with a Critical Person and Their Criticism

Aug 21, 2009 Gini Grey

Critical people see every mistake and think it's there job to help others be perfect. It's challenging to be around criticism, especially if it's taken personally.

Criticism can be helpful if delivered in a neutral or loving way. But when it becomes a constant form of nit-picking or is given with a judgmental tone, it crosses the line from constructive to critical. It not only hurts people, but it destroys relationships.

Overly critical people are master fault finders, judging everyone and everything that comes into their view. Mildly critical people tend to point out subtly what's missing, wrong or in need of improvement. It might be with a disappointing look, a sigh, or by taking over a task to do it 'right' themselves. Either way, it is challenging to spend time or live with a critical person. It requires patience and a good dose of healthy self-esteem.

How to Handle Being with a Critical Person

Try the following ideas for dealing with critical people in a healthy way.

Don't take it personally. Being critical is a way of life for some people. They can't help but see the flaws in everything – they make great editors and devil's advocates. Know that it is not a true reflection of you, but an expression of their perfectionism.
Notice what gets triggered. Does being criticized trigger a message of not being good enough? Being criticized can bring awareness to old wounds and provide the incentive to increase self-esteem so no one else can ignite feelings of inadequacy.
Let them know it stings. Help the critical person understand how their criticism pushes you away, shuts you down, feels like judgment and negatively impacts the relationship. Offer suggestions for how they can constructively criticize without causing damage.
Be compassionate. Critical people tend to be harder on themselves than on anyone else. Underneath their behavior is a wounded person who believes they are not good enough. View them with compassion and their words will sting less.
Send them loving thoughts. Behind the critical person's behavior and wounds is a bright soul, waiting to be noticed. Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted – especially a critic who may not feel deserving of self-love. Start acknowledging and accepting them and this will soften their heart and their words.

When a person doesn't take criticism personally and uses it as an opportunity for self-awareness and developing self-esteem, they either stop noticing it as much, don't get triggered by it, or find less critical people to spend time with.

For related articles, read Dealing with Difficult People who control and Dealing with Negative People. For improved communication, read Communicating Effectively in Relationships.

The copyright of the article Dealing with Critical People in Personal Development is owned by Gini Grey. Permission to republish Dealing with Critical People in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Being with a Critical Person and Their Criticism