Divorce American Style – A No Win Scenario

Matrimonial Divorce has Long Term Impacts

Nov 22, 2008 Nelson Acquilano

Divorce means to dissolve a marriage bond, to end a marriage. But it can also mean a curse placed upon children, an intergenerational curse upon grandchildren.

Divorce can mean tearing a beautiful family unit unwhole, incomplete, never again to be full and joyous. Divorce means never again experiencing the holidays without the feeling that someone is missing in that empty chair.

Divorce is a poorly understood phenomena in American culture. While most people agree that divorce is undesirable, few people truly recognize the full degree of destruction and permanent harm it causes. New research finds that it is one of the most deleterious of the risk factors for children in any society.

Long Term Impact

Divorce has led to the ruin of hundreds of thousands of children and adults. It destroys in a subtle way, usually in a subtle and injurious way and is much under-appreciated. Divorce is a life-transforming experience for all parties involved. Research shows that the after-effects on the family are traumatic and often chronic. ("The Impact of Divorce on Child Well-Being", National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, October 22, 2008, Patrick Patterson, Paul Amato, Ph.D., Robin Deutsch, Ph.D.) Divorce seems to mark the end of a child's youth. Family break-up is extremely detrimental to children because children identify with the family rather than with the parents as individuals.

Compared to children from healthy, functional homes, children of divorce are far more likely to struggle academically, engage in drug and alcohol use and other high-risk behaviors, commit suicide, experience psychiatric problems, live in poverty, experiment sexually at earlier ages, and have a greater likelihood to divorce themselves. “The end result has been disposable marriages and shattered lives.” (United Families International, 2007.)

After thirty years of study, many researchers conclude that divorce harms children in virtually every measure. Furthermore, numerous studies support marital longevity as a vital component of good health for children and adults alike. ("The Effects of Marriage and Maternal Education in Reducing Child Poverty", Robert Rector and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D., Center for Data Analysis Report, August 2, 2002; "The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially", Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, 2001; "Why Marriage is Good for You", Maggie Gallagher, City Journal, The Manhattan Institute, Autumn 2000.) The research supports the common findings by mental health professionals that children suffer terribly in divorce, and many times the “children’s souls are basically ripped in half.” Even as adults, children from divorced families are even less satisfied in their lives compared to adults from intact and happy families.

Factors Contributing to Divorce

The divorce rate began to rise in the mid-1960s due to the rebirth of feminism, new levels of social stress, cultural instability, sexual liberation, and the adoption of “no-fault” divorce. An often quoted article is "Making Marriage Last" (Stephen J. Harhai, Editor, 1997, 2000, published by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.) According to this article not all marriages fail for the same reason and the factors that seem to contribute the most include poor communication, financial problems, a lack of commitment to the marriage, a dramatic change in priorities, and infidelity. These factors together made marital stability more problematic, and divorce far easier.

For those who do advocate for divorce as a viable option, it needs to be stated that another social experiment has failed. Thirty years of study found that the decline of the two-parent, married-couple family results in poverty, educational failure, unhappiness, anti-social behavior, isolation, emotional problems, and social exclusion for thousands of women and men ("Experiments in Living: The Fatherless Family", Rebecca O'Neill, September 2002, Institute for the Study of Civil Society.) Especially affected, are the children of divorce - CODs.

A Real Social Malady

Research shows that: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes; 90% of all runaway children are from fatherless homes; 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes; 80% of rapes motivated with displaced anger are from men who come from fatherless homes; 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes; and 85% of all youths in prison are from fatherless homes. Other researchers found that the younger the child is at the time of the divorce the greater the impact. Note that, currently, nearly 2 of every 5 children in America do not live with their fathers ("Children of Divorce and Separation Statistics - Consequences of Father Absence", April 11, 2001, published by Fathers for Life.)

Divorce is also intergenerational. Children fail to successfully learn how to navigate through all the boundaries and obstacles of marriage. They learn that rather cope, they can just opt out like mother or father did. This sets up a very negative cycle.

The family is a critical cornerstones of society, and healthy families bring strong stability and blessings to all society. Divorce is a reality and a necessity for some. The truth, though, is that divorce and the dissolution of families remains one of the strongest risk factors for children in America.

For Further Reading

Divorce Busting, Michelle Weiner-Davis

Americans for Divorce Reform

The copyright of the article Divorce American Style – A No Win Scenario in Divorce is owned by Nelson Acquilano. Permission to republish Divorce American Style – A No Win Scenario in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Tragic for All