Remember, in an intimate relationsihp honesty is the best policy. In ecstatic sex two people are more than happy to set up the ground rules for having a conscious and intimate sexual encounter. An initial conversation might go something like this:
"As you might be able to tell I am very much attracted to you and would enjoy having sexual relations with you. I need to let you know, however, that I am into conscious and intimate sex, not sex that becomes a surfacy and junk food experience. I understand that we don't know each other very well, and I cannot be certain even if we have sexual relations at this point that it will develop into a lasting and loving relationship. I would like to discuss, therefore, whether we are better served by holding back on getting physical to respect each other's person and values. Or, if we decide to go ahead and share a sexual experience at this point, I would like to set up the ground rules for how it could turn into a rewarding and respectful experience even if we do not continue into a relationship from this point forward."
The Ground Rules
From this point on each person would share the following:
- His/her values and expectations regarding sexual relations.
- An agreement to begin by moving through the beginning stages for ecstatic sex.
- Whether or not each individual has an STD based on being tested immediately before starting to have sexual encounters together.
- An agreement to be sexually exclusive with each other. (Remember ecstatic sex is not about just learning new techniques. It is about allowing for a deep level of intimacy together).
- A conversation regarding any fear or concerns each partner may have that would prevent them from following these ground rules.
Note: If partners are afraid to share this information it is a sign that junk food sex is already underway since obviously from the start the sexual encounter is being driven by deceit, manipulation, disrespect, and fear. Remember the aim is to learn to make love to one another, not just have sex.
Though this approach may seem awkward, the advantages from the start are well worth the effort. Even though the couple scarely knows each other, they have demonstrated an initial level of honesty, openness, and respect. And, as future articles will reveal, if the couple continues from this point forward to have sexual relations, ecstatic sex is just around the corner.
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