Finding Peace When a Loved One is Terminally Ill
How to Cope with a Friend or Family Member Who is Dying
Nov 13, 2009
There's nothing sadder than watching a loved one suffer with an illness, particularly if it is terminal. Yet grief and despair don't help the loved one feel better, nor is it even appropriate when life is still flowing through the loved one. There is so much more going on beyond the terminal illness. As people expand their vision to see the wholeness of the loved one, they take a step toward finding peace.
How to Cope with a Loved One's Terminal Illness
People want their loved one's to be happy and healthy, yet illness and death are a part of life. When a loved one is terminally ill, sometimes it's the family and friends that suffer the most. They want to help, but may not know what to do. They want to ease the loved one's pain, but may not be able to. And most of all they want to heal them and see them back in optimal health, but this may not be possible.
Miracles happen every day resulting in spontaneous healing, but waiting for that to happen can be heart wrenching. It's helpful to realize there may be much more going on for the person who is ill. Illness often provides emotional, spiritual and relationship healing opportunities. Sometimes the ill person isn't consciously aware of deeper healing and peacemaking that is taking place, but it is happening. Viewing a loved one from this broader perspective can bring peace to everyone involved.
Viewing a Loved One from a Broader Perspective
Setting an intention to see beyond sickness, suffering and loss, to the bigger picture of what is happening for a person who is terminally ill, brings peace to everyone involved. Try the following suggestions.
- Be in the present moment. It's easy to slip into sadness and fear about the future, worrying about the loved one getting worse or suffering, but this only creates feelings of being out of control and powerlessness. Focus on the present, knowing that the best care is being given at this moment.
- Enjoy their presence now. Often when a loved one is terminally ill, family and friends get swept away into sadness and grief imagining what life will be like without them. This isn't current reality so move back into the present moment and enjoy their company while they are still alive. There will be plenty of time to grieve later.
- Touch into compassion. Family and friends can easily slip into sympathy for the ill loved one, feeling sorry for them. This pity energy adds heaviness to the situation, whereas compassion lifts people to a higher place of empathy and understanding.
- See their wholeness. The ill person is so much bigger than their illness. The health problem, even if it is terminal, is just a small portion of their life. When family and friends see past the illness to the wholeness of the person including their personality, emotions, soul and life force energy everyone feels lighter.
- Find amusement. Laughter is healing for the ill person and family and friends so spend as much time as possible seeing the humorous side of life and sharing this with your loved one.
- Connect with their spirit. When a person dies their body returns to the earth, but their soul moves on to another spiritual level. Turn inward and from a place of inner stillness connect with the loved one's soul while they are still in their body. There is so much love, peace and light from this perspective.
- View death as a journey. Death is as much of a miracle as birth, yet many people don't see this when they are focused on loss. When the perspective is broadened from the loved one's illness and the possibility of losing them, it becomes easier to see the amazing journey they are on.
- Be in a state of gratitude. Instead of focusing on what's wrong and what will be missed, reflect over the wonderful times spent together, and the gratitude for having this person in your life.
As you move into a state of presence with your loved one, beyond their illness, you will both find peace together.
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