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Girlfight: When Female Friends Fall Out

How to Handle Fights, Breakups and Makeups with Your Gal Pal

Aug 21, 2008

Even the best of female friends disagree. But how do you handle a major fall out? Here are some tips on how to handle fights, breakups and makeups with your gal pal.

As a kid making up with your female friends seemed easy - a heartfelt apology letter or a couple days was all you needed. As an adult, arguments are bigger and the fall out is harder. Use these tips to resolve your fight and determine if you should makeup or breakup with your gal pal.

Falling Out

Female friendships have rules. If the rules are broken a fall out is likely. Anything can cause a fight, but here are some common disagreements:

Availability. Your friend is not making time for you.
Taking Advantage. Your friend repeatedly takes but never gives.
Unacceptable Behavior, Action or Habit. Your friend behaves in an unacceptable way.
A New Spouse or Partner. Your friend becomes involved with someone you do not approve of.

When you have a fall out with your gal pal you have options for resolving the fight. Ultimately you can choose to makeup or breakup.

Resolve Your Argument

Before the situation gets out of control try to resolve your argument using these steps as they apply to you:

Sleep on it. Take time away from the situation then re-evaluate.
Write it out. Write down why you are upset with your friend and what it would take to resolve the situation.
Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you would handle the situation.
Decide to confront or let it go. Confrontation is not always the best solution.
Confront the Issue. You may decide direct confrontation is appropriate.

Confrontation

Sometimes, just thinking over the situation is enough to resolve the matter. But if you decide to confront your friend consider these tips:

Arrange a time to talk. There is no better way to resolve issues than to speak one-on-one. Seeing your friend's reaction can help resolve your issues.
Be specific. Now is not the time to list all your friend's faults. Address the specific issue and nothing more.
Be proactive. Don't just tell her your problem give her a way to make it better.
Be prepared. Your gal pal may have her own opinion on the situation. Be prepared for her to be defensive and to suggest an alternative view.
Listen. Take the time to hear and digest what your friend has to say. You might learn something.

Make Up

During a confrontation make it clear that you want to resolve the matter and move forward in your friendship. Try not to escalate the conflict.

Even if you resolve your fight don't expect your friendship to have the same closeness it once had right away. It will take time to build up confidence and trust on both ends.

Break Up

Sometimes disagreements are too big to mend and you realize the friendship is over. If you decide to end your friendship let her know that you are ending it and why. Letting your friendship drift off leaves no room for closure on either end.

Moving Forward

Disagreements can be hard to overcome. When gal pals fight, the best course of action is to take time to calm down. Let your friend know why you are upset and what she can do to resolve the situation. If making up is not going to happen take care in how you break up with your friend. You may find that after a break you are both ready to try your friendship again.

The copyright of the article Girlfight: When Female Friends Fall Out in Improving Relationships is owned by Dana Herrera. Permission to republish Girlfight: When Female Friends Fall Out in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.