Being a good friend means being a good listener. Most relationships are built slowly over time and are strengthened in times of crisis. When helping your friends to resolve conflicts, remember that your ultimate goal is to be supportive. Good listening skills show support more than good advice. Want to know how to be a better listener and friend? Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills.
Listen.
Ask a question and then be still. Sit and listen to the answer. Really hear what the other person is saying. Encourage them to share their frustrations, fears and anxieties. Look at them when they talk. Nod to show you understand. And above all else, keep your mouth shut. This is not the time for advice; that's later when they have a better handle on their emotions. For now, simply be still and listen.
Tune in.
This is not the time to balance your mental checkbook, plan for next week or compose a mental email. Stay tuned in. Don't rehearse the perfect gem of advice. Don't plan your pearl of wisdom. Be present for the person talking and you'll show them that you truly care.
Validate what They Say by Repeating It
Show them that you understand what they are saying by repeating what they've just said. It will give another voice to their emotions and prove to them that you truly focused on hearing them out. Acknowledge their feelings when you do this and show that you empathize with their plight.
Ask Questions
Asking questions about how they feel gives them an outlet to share and makes them feel that someone cares about them, not just the juicy gossip or detailed facts. Remember that your goal is to help them to process the stress in a healthy way.
Don’t Give Advice
Most of us want to fix things for those we care about. But coming to a resolution on an emotional issue often simply needs time. You'll do more by listening than by waxing intelligent and spouting unwanted advice. Remember, people just want to feel heard and understood. In fact, most people find their own solutions once they move past the emotional hurt and anxiety.
Don't Grab the Spotlight
The worst thing you can do in the midst of a friend's rant is to jump into a story about a time that something similar happened to you. You can share if they ask but redirect the conversation back to them to show them that their issue matters. They will appreciate your sincerity and will probably work through the problem quicker.
Let Them Come to a Solution
It's their life. It's up to them to decide a course of action and live with it. Don't offer unsolicited advice. Encourage them to evaluate various courses of action and come to a solution they are comfortable with.
Remember that friendships are built over time. Sharing feelings during a crisis builds emotional connections that people remember on a conscious and sub-conscious level. If you truly want to have deep meaningful friendships and relationships, be the kind of friend you'd like to have and always keep an ear out for the needs of others.
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