How to Deal with Annoying People
5 Keys to Managing and Balancing Stress and Relationships
There's an anonymous quote that defines stress as "the confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it." Admit it. There are times that you can relate with that kind of stress, and perhaps no area causes stress more than relationships. One of the best ways to de-stress your life is to de-stress your relationships.
When you hear "relationships," don't just think of your significant other. Think of all the people you interact with on a regular basis - on the job, in your neighborhood, at your civic league or community service organization.
Learning how to deal with annoying people or mean people in each of these areas will help you reduce the stress in your life. These keys will help you achieve that:
1. Be Proactive
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes: "Act or be acted upon....The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference between night and day."
This is true in relationships as well as in life generally. You need to think through how you want to define your relationships, the ground rules you wish to set, and then act accordingly. Don't react. Act.
Here's a quick example. Say you have a co-worker who pesters you each morning by coming over to your cubicle and wasting your time with needless chatter. Instead of waiting for the person to come to you, why not go to that person? Start the day by dropping by his or her cubicle and saying something like: "Today's going to be a busy day today for me, but I wanted to stop by and say hello and see how you were doing." Listen for a few minutes, smile, and then excuse yourself. This works best if you have a scheduled appointment or phone call. If you don't have one of those, schedule one -- so you do.
2. Be Confident
Sometimes, we allow our insecurities, nervousness, or fear to put us in a reactive or defensive mindset. We allow ourselves to be too vulnerable in our relationships. Start disciplining your mind now to get away from this self-limiting and self-defeating mindset.
People are people. Yes, people are different in terms of appearance, education, personality, background, etc. But people are fundamentally much more alike than they are different. Remember this.
Something else to remember is that we are interdependent. Les Giblin, author of How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People, writes: "No human being is self-sufficient. Each of us needs things that other people have to offer. You have things that other people need."
The key to remember is that you are a person of consequence and value, and you therefore need not think of yourself as inferior. Your role or position may not be as senior as, say, your boss's, but you're still a person of substance. Be that kind of person.
And if the person is being downright mean to you, study the situation objectively. Don't take it personally, unless you have truly done something to offend him or her, which leads us to...
3. Do an Inventory
Take an inventory of your relationships, especially the ones that you find the more difficult or annoying. And then, in the privacy of your own mind, consider honestly whether you are at fault. Often, an unresolved issue will manifest itself in a difficult relationship. And if the blame for that issue rests with you, then you need to take the initiative to make it right.
That starts with an apology, and may also include action (on your part) to rectify the situation or clean up any damage. This is a humbling thing, but it will pay great dividends in the long run.
4. Learn to Forgive
Part of the inventory you take may bring to mind situations in which others have wronged you. In these cases, ask yourself whether you harbor any bitterness or anger. If you do, chances are good that the anger and bitterness is hurting you more than anyone else.
A person once said: "Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly."
5. Discuss with a Trusted Friend
When dealing with a difficult or annoying person, you sometimes need a third-party assessment. Discuss the situation with someone you know and trust, but be careful about gossip. If you discuss the situation with several people, you are effectively harming the other person's reputation - as annoying as he or she might be - and this is gossip. Don't go there. Instead, rely on trusted, confidential counsel from one or two close friends (or, if it's a workplace situation, maybe your boss).
Learning how to deal with difficult and annoying people is one of the most important relationship skills you can master. Dealing effectively with annoying, mean, or difficult people will help relieve your stress and position you for greater success in life.
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