Good communicators harmonize three basic skills to get the most out of every conversation. They have a natural ability to get their point across, listen attentively and use the power of their minds during every conversation.
Rarely are all three abilities developed in the average citizen. Talking is easy. Listening is harder. And very few know how to use their mind to make every contact a worthwhile experience.
Salesmen and negotiators must have good conversation skills if they hope to advance their careers and turn a profit. The techniques they use can be learned and applied to everyday situations for the average citizen. The right techniques can resolve conflicts, lead to long lasting friendships and bring a happy married life with few misunderstandings.
Pay Attention to the Conversation
That means listening to what is being said as well as the person who is doing the talking. The undisciplined mind tends to wander to personal problems problems or toward the buffet table. Much of what is being said is lost and the speaker soon realizes that his words don't have an audience.
Listen Without Bias
Active listening means listening without passing judgment or formulating a rebuttal. Misunderstanding is the direct result of a mind that hasn't paid enough attention. The human mind is quite capable of coming to a conclusion in the last few seconds before the other person stops talking.
Don't Interrupt
Interrupting a conversation is rude and projects the thought that the other person is not important enough to listen to . The urge to get in the last word is difficult to suppress at times, but to butt in before the other fellow has finished talking will only produce resentment.
Ask Questions
Asking questions shows the other person that active listening is in progress. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and everyone appreciates those people who show a genuine interest in their knowledge and experience. A good conversationalist is not always the best talker. He encourages others to do most of the talking.
Acknowledge the Conversation
Communication requires co-operative action on both sides to be effective. Showing no emotion, with no head nods or some interjections is sure to impress the speaker with the thought that he is talking to a corpse.
Don't Criticize
Since everyone is different, no one finds 100% agreement on every subject. But open criticism is unjust, whether it's done through personal communication or in public. Offer up an opinion or take a gentle approach when it comes to any disagreements.
Remove Distractions
Distractions such as the TV, stereo or radio interfere with conversation and remove half the attention during a talk. The activities of children or an emergency are major sources of distraction but everyone understands the need to address them immediately before a conversation can continue.
A Good Conversationalist Doesn't Hog the Conversation
No one likes listening to someone who spouts off his sense of self importance. Endless chatter has the effect of isolating the chatterbox from everyone around him. All conversations require some give and take. It's what makes conversation stimulating and effective in its purpose.
Conducting a good conversation is a skill that can be learned. All that is required is the willingness to pay attention to others and subdue the natural inclination to interrupt. Learning the right techniques will make the difference between isolation and good company among friends.
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