How to Plan a Funeral Service
Steps for Planning a Formal Service for Someone Who Has Died
A funeral is a traditional ceremony, a final ceremony to recognize the life of a person who has died. A funeral is more formal than the memorial service or celebration of life service.
The body is present at a funeral service, lying in a casket that may be open or closed.
Unless pre-planned, a funeral is often quickly arranged and occurs within a few days of death; this can cause a great deal of stress for family members who are already grieving a death.
A funeral service typically includes: eulogy, a sermon, music, prayers, scripture readings, poetry or other prose. The funeral service may also be predetermined depending on the person's religion, military or political status such as a Catholic Funeral Mass or a Funeral for a Head of State.
Steps for Planning a Funeral Service
When using a funeral home a professional funeral planner will plan the funeral.
If the funeral is not arranged by the funeral home, then it is up to the family to plan the funeral service. Planning a funeral can be divided up into several areas:
- Practical
- People
- Service
- Casket
- Dressing the Body
- Decorations
- Music
- Food and Beverages
- Activities
Choose one or two people to be in charge to ensure that things get done.
Practical
Settling the practical matters first helps in the rest of the planning. The practical aspects to determine are the when, where and who.
- Date
- Guest List
- Location
People
Selecting people to participate is another key part to the service. The people to include in a funeral are divided into four main categories.
- Funeral Director
- Clergy Member or Officiant
- Speakers
- Other Participants
Many find using the services of a professional funeral director helpful. Members of a church, temple, synagogue or mosque, who plan on holding the service at their place of worship, have their clergy person preside over the funeral service.
Services held in alternative locations need to have someone selected to preside over the services like an officiant. This person may be a clergy member, facilitator or funeral celebrant.
Other participants could be pallbearers (those who carry the casket) military guard, singers, poetry readers or candle lighters. These roles may be good for those with special talents and younger members who may not be able to give a speech. Roles of additional participants may be limited with the most formal ceremonies.
Service
Even if the family is not entirely planning the funeral, they often have an input as to what is included (unless it is a very formal service). Decide on the components, the flow and the order of the service or the program.
- What is included in the funeral?
- Who will deliver the speeches or a eulogy?
- Will additional readings, poems, scripture passages be included?
- Will there be music?
- What is the order of the speeches, readings and music?
- What will happen afterwards?
Casket
There are three different options for the displaying the deceased in the casket—open, pre-funeral open or closed.
With an open casket, the casket is open during the service and time is allowed for people to pay their last respects. The pre-funeral open casket people can pay their respects before the funeral and the casket is closed when displayed at the service. A closed casket is the choice when the face of the deceased has been wounded or disfigured, or if the body has been badly damaged or decomposed.
Dressing the Body
When choosing clothing to dress the body, it is often best to choose clothes that resemble the person’s life. For some, a suit and tie may not be appropriate. Remember to bring undergarments and jewelry. Jewelry can include watches, earrings, necklaces, pins, tie tacks, cuff links, bracelets or special association member pins that the deceased liked. Wedding bands may or may not be included when the person is buried.
Decorations
Flowers, plants and candles are a way of decorating the location of the service. Condolence flowers sent by friends and family are display are colorful, visual reminders of their support. Flowers can also be used as part of the ceremony.
Decide what sorts of things will be included in decorations.
- Plants
- Flowers
- Candles
- Displays
- Photography
- Military Decorations - flags, photos and medals
- Symbolic Elements
- Other special touches – printed program, photograph displays
Music
Music can help to set the mood of the service. Favorite musical numbers can be played or sung as reminders of the deceased. Determine how the music will be performed.
- Will it be sung or played by a performer?
- Will there be live music or will you use a CD of the music?
- Will the participants sing along?
A musical piece at the beginning and the end of the service provides some structure for the event.
Food and Beverages
Food and refreshments may also be determined by the formality of the service. Food can range from serving light refreshments to pot-lucks, seated luncheons or elaborate catered dinners. Favorite foods of the deceased can incorporate into the food and refreshment part of the ceremony.
Serve water, juice, tea or coffee. Distraught people and alcohol are not a good combination.
Activities
Depending on the formality of the service, some of the activites will be dictated by the type of service e.g. Catholic funeral mass, military funeral or funeral for a head of state. The family may be able to include some small personal touches. Think of little John John saluting his father at the funeral of former President Kennedy or the young princes placing their heartbreaking card to 'Mummy" on the casket of Princess Diana.
Planning a Funeral Service
A funeral is a traditional ceremony the final one in a person's life. Planning a funeral can be less stressful for the family if they know what goes into a funeral.
Resources:
Funeral Consumers Alliance. 2005. Planning a Memorial Service. PDF File Brochure.
Morgan E. 2001. Dealing Creatively With Death: A Manual of Death Education and Simple Burial. Hinesburg, VT: Upper Access.
Searl E. 2000. In Memoriam: A Guide to Modern Funeral and Memorial Services. 2nd Edition. Boston, MA: Skinner House Books.
York S. 2000. Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
© Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT
