Personal Growth: When to Win
Know when to win to improve interpersonal relationships
Winning every human interaction can actually limit success. Know when to win, when not, and how to know the difference.
An excellent starting point for anyone intent on personal development and growth is to begin by improving interpersonal skills. Good interpersonal relationships are critical to personal success. Successful people are used to winning some competitions. But over-use of the skill of winning can be a behavioral flaw.
The Need to Win:
The need to win all debates and to prevail in all discussions is a frequent interpersonal flaw that damages relationships at home and at work. The saying, "To win at the game of love don't keep score," is true not only in love, but in all interpersonal relationships.
It's ironic that the ability to win, which got us to where we are now, may be the very factor that limits future growth.
Winning Isn't Always Important:
It's important to recognize what's at stake. If your company is pitted against another for an important contract, you certainly want to do everything you can legally and morally do to contribute to your company's win. Your company's survival and your income may be at stake.
But if you and your friend are teamed against your spouses in a friendly bridge game, are the stakes just as high? Why play as if they are? Playing to win in all activities comes at a price.
The Cost:
The need to win in all situations can be costly, whether among co-workers discussing the home team's loss over the weekend or with a customer with a preference for the other political party. If co-workers become alienated and withhold cooperation or vital information, your business success may be affected. Winning a pointless discussion with your customer could cost you a sale.
Winning at all costs and in all situations is a serious interpersonal relations mistake. At stake are your relationships with loved ones and business partners, and the cooperation and support you'll need for the future.
How Can You Tell if You Have This Bad Interpersonal Habit?:
It's difficult to recognize this habit in oneself, but there are hints if you're aware.
- Do people often roll their eyes and concede to your opinion?
- Do people involved in a hearty discussion suddenly fall silent when you arrive on the scene?
- Do people avoid volunteering solutions to problems in your presence?
These may be hints that you have the habit of dominating conversations and striving to win, even in friendly discussions.
What You Can Do:
You can break the habit of needing to win by following these steps.
- Reflect on what it's costing you
- Decide to change
- Apologize to those you've affected, and
- Ask for them for helpful suggestions
- Be aware of your need to win during discussions, and
- Enlist someone's assistance to call it to your attention
- Measure your progress by asking and watching the signs
Marshall Goldsmith, in What Got You Here Won't Get You There, calls the need to win the number one interpersonal behavior flaw likely to limit CEO's success. This flaw can be affecting your success, too.
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