How to Deal with Wandering Eyes
Have Piece of Mind in Your Relationship
Learn the right way to bring up the touchy subject of "wandering eyes" to your partner and be able to work it out so that your relationship can prosper.
Be up front and honest, communication is one of the keys to a healthy relationship. Constantly tell your partner how you truly feel about them in a positive manner. Reassurance goes a long way. People need to feel good about themselves and know they are going right direction. Negativity brings about doubt, to which false feelings may arise. If you are going to be negative, do it in a constructive manner especially when it comes to “wandering eyes.”
For example, say, “Honey, I’ve noticed something that you do when we go out that bothers me sometimes and I’d like to talk about it.” By saying this you are preparing your partner for a problem that needs attention and you would like it resolved. You do not want to open the conversation with, “Honey, I don’t like when you look at other people when we go out.” This is an argument waiting to happen, because figuratively, you are telling your partner upfront, you do not trust them. Like any situation it is better to ease into things rather than rush into them because you can better resolve the situation in a calm manner. This is a tense subject to deal with in the first place, so less aggravation will lead to shorter talk time in the future if any other problems occur.
Before we can come up with a solution we have to break it down to a level of logical perspective. To control our own human impulses is a difficult thing in the first place. If we are hungry, we eat and if we are thirsty, we drink. In the same respect, if we want to look at something that peaks our interest, we look. Producers deploy beautiful actors/actresses in their movies, TV shows, and sitcoms, why, because they are pleasing to the eye. Accidents attract onlookers because it is not something in our daily routine. Anything out of the ordinary brings about the attention of others. So something that would get our awareness, like looking at other men/women, stimulates us, it is human nature. It still does not make it okay to look, but it is something we cannot stop someone else from doing.
What we can do is understand why they are doing it and come up with an underlying solution that makes sense. Instead of yelling at your mate for something you think is wrong, reason with them. Do not point the finger at them, ask him/her why they do it in the first place and use reverse psychology in asking. Ask something like, “How would it make you feel if you saw me looking at other people right in front of you?” or “Would it make you uncomfortable if you saw me look at other men/women, because that is the way I feel when you do it in front of me?” Next, in talking about it, try not to use angered voice tones. This may seem hard but in the long run, it will help. Explain your side to them, like you are having a normal conversation. Your partner will think you are not arguing about something, which in turn, will not raise tempers. What you are doing is making your partner know what it is like to be in your shoes.
So the next you catch them in the act, just remember change does not happen overnight, nudge them a little bit and remind them about what you talked about earlier. By doing this, you have started a seed of unconscious thinking. Reinforced learning takes time and pretty soon you’ll be joking about it and enjoying your time together instead of arguing the precious moments away.
