Men and Women Communicate Differently
Discover How to Communicate with the Opposite Sex
Oct 14, 2009
Two men having a conversation communicate effectively and clearly with each other. They often use matter of fact language and the exchange is simple and logical. Two women conversing together also communicate effectively and clearly, but the exchange has added nuances that allow the conversation to expand and deepen into something broader.
Since men and women communicate differently, conversations between the two genders can be misunderstood, frustrating and sometimes argumentative. As they discover how to communicate with the opposite sex, they can start to understand each other and have enjoyable conversations.
How Men Communicate
Males often communicate using their intellect – the rational, analytical part of the brain. This is why they often jump into solving problems. Men obviously embody the masculine, yang, action oriented, create and destroy energy so this comes into play with their conversations. They are typically not raised to develop their feminine nurturing and emotional side, so their conversations involve discussing the what, how and why of a situation and that's about it. They like simple, clear, bottom-line conversations. They don't want long-winded stories with emotional drama. Most men also don't like to be interrupted.
To use picture drawing as an analogy, when two men have a conversation one draws a simple picture of what he is saying and shows it to the other. Once the other understands it, he tears it up, leaving space for the other to create his picture. Then the other draws his own picture, displays it, and crumples it up. They are both involved in their own construction and destruction of concepts and ideas that they share with each other. Women, on the other hand, communicate very differently.
How Women Communicate
Women often converse from the heart, sharing memories that touched them, explaining the details in stories. They're not afraid to express emotions, and know how to listen, soothe and coo each other. This represents the feminine, yin, nurturing, creative energy. They also know how to multitask so can have a conversation with several layers without missing a beat. It becomes like a dance where both women take turns leading and following.
To compare to the picture drawing analogy above, when two women have a conversation, one creates a picture, complete with color, shapes and texture and places it down in front of the other. The other woman either adds to this picture or creates her own to place beside it. Neither destroys their picture, but instead keeps adding to them, weaving an increasingly complex design. Sometimes they create and add pictures so quickly it might look like a blur to a nearby male, but the women are so immersed in the flow of their dance, that they understand each other completely.
How Men and Women Can Communicate More Easily
It's obvious that men and women communicate differently, but it doesn't mean they can't understand each other. If each accepts how the other communicates and takes time to learn a new way of communicating, the differences can be bridged. Try the following suggestions.
- Women can chunk the conversation down. When conversing with a male, remember how they like to communicate their ideas simply and fully before letting it go and hearing the other's idea. Give them time to complete their thought before adding yours. Break your ideas down into sizable chunks and communicate these ideas one at time, and ensure your partner understands each piece before moving on. Think bottom-line when giving details.
- Men can speak and listen from the heart. When speaking with a woman, connect with the heart and listen for the emotional aspect of what she is saying. Avoid the temptation to rationalize and solve any problems, instead just listen and empathize. If a story with lots of details is unfolding, enjoy envisioning it, instead of trying to compartmentalize it.
- Agree on how to communicate. When speaking with a significant other about an important subject, it can be helpful to tell them what you need. The woman may say she needs to express her emotions and be listened to fully without problem solving. A man may say he needs to have a simple conversation without going into deeper details. Agreeing on how you will communicate before the conversation can save frustration and heartache.
No matter how you are communicating with the opposite sex – from the head or the heart, it's important to follow basic rules of communicating effectively. Practicing acceptance, non-judgment or blame, and compassion will lead to easier and more enjoyable conversations.
Sources: Leyline Center for Spirituality as well as Scott Robinson, founder of Lightwork Spiritual Development, and his article on Communication.
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