Some men say, it’s the scent of a woman, the touch of a woman, a receptive woman that really turns them on. Others say, it’s an unspoken agreement when a woman expresses, “when you want me, you can have me!” Is it the acknowledgment a man recognizes when he looks into her eyes and knows that she trusts him? Or, is it an expression that she likes what he does for her and welcomes it?
Then again, it could simply be the sensation he gets when she finds him so irresistible that she can’t control herself. All possibilities considered, perhaps what he ultimately wants is a woman who looks like Halle Berry, has the intelligence of Golda Meir, the spirituality of Mother Theresa. Is that a goddess?
Does lots of sex count?
“Men want a lady on their arm, and a freak in the bedroom,” says Maurice, a 47-year-old automotive business owner. “Men want a woman who’s a lady first with some degree of submissiveness, who knows how and when to submit.”
Men want a balance of nature, says Will, a 50- year-old corporate lawyer. “We want a relationship with a woman who can give us a very high quantity of sex, or a high quantity of intellect and then the woman can give us less of something else. But whatever the combination,” he says, “there must be a balance between the giver and the receiver or the relationship will not last.”
While some men build tall buildings, fly planes, captain ships, ride horses, steer cattle, even ride bulls for a living, their choices are always demonstrations of power, believes John, a 57-year-old businessman. “Some men have children to make a mark to let the world know they were here,” says John. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this over the years, and in retrospect, I think that whatever men do in life, the bottom line is that it’s testosterone that drives us. Sex is what we want from a woman,” he says, “to release the hormones that control the drive of the entire body.”
Sex is embedded in culture
Sandra Walker, M.D., psychiatrist and former broadcast journalist reveals through her studies, that the theory about social and dominance hierarchies are prevalent in various animal kingdoms. “It’s an interesting twist of socio-biological theories that we have formulated about men,” Walker comments. “But there are distinct differences in that human beings have much more capacity to be conscience of what they’re doing. To juggle with difficulties in competing value systems,” she says, “sex is so embedded with meaning in society, that men’s other interests in women are sometimes consumed under the sexual banner.”
“It’s about pleasure,” says Terry, a 30-year-old physical education coach who believes that men do what they do to attract women. “It’s nature ... that’s just the way it is!”
Maynard, a 46-year-old broadcast journalist is driven by a woman who portrays lots of sexual appeal. “I love women who exude femininity,” says Maynard. “[A woman] who walks it, talks it, plays with it and entrances me with her pizzazz. Intelligence is a given,” he says, “but what really turns me on is a good persona of intimacy.”
Nate, a 42-year-old singer and performing artist, says an extremely attractive lady who is classy, sexy and feminine drives him wild. “It’s like a gorgeous car,” says Nate. “You look at it and all you can say is how beautiful it is and you want to ride in it.”
Larry Davis, M.D., social psychologist and author of the book Black and Single, says that for men, it is looks that outweigh brains when choosing a mate. “Men are more visual than women,” he says. “They are aroused more by sight than are women. An attractive woman enhances their self-esteem [and if they are with her] they are viewed as being more powerful and more successful than their counterparts.”
I'll have more of the same, please!
Todd Shackelford, Ph.D. and psychologist at Florida Atlantic University, in a recent study found that men reported a 10 percent increase in their sexual desire for every 100 hours they spent apart from their partners. “The time when a man can’t account for his partner’s whereabouts is theoretically the time she could be having sex with another man, and that would drive him wild,” says Shackelford.
One of the great struggles men have, according to some psychologists, is that power, particularly the more prominent the man is, can drive a man. Women become almost supplicants to men and therefore, men become incapable of resisting the advances of women. Walker finds it interesting that so many men responded to the question of what really turns them on with as simple an explanation as sex. “I would have to take question with what sex really means to men,” she says. “Men generally have a variety of relationships with women. Is sex about power for them? Does it mean intimacy, feelings that they’re still young, or that they’re mature? Is sex a kind of a panacea for men — a cure-all?”
This is an age-old dilemma in society. Do men experience different sexual selves with different women? Think of the man who could have a woman with the looks of Halle Berry, the intelligence of Golda Meir and the spirituality of Mother Theresa.
“He’s looking for someone who will greatly enhance his self esteem.” opines Walker. “It’s a powerful fantasy. In order for a man to be equal to that — my God, that man must be a god!”
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