Considered easier said then done, our ability to forgive is a gift from God. We just need to make the choice to forgive, and that's where the difficulty comes in.
While forgiving someone who has wronged us can both heal and liberate us, the choice not to forgive but instead to cling to anger, bitterness and resentment, can cripple us. Those negative emotions are powerful and destructive, and as long as we hold on to them, they will escalate and keep us trapped in the past.
In Ray Pritchard’s, The Healing Power of Forgiveness, he states that, “Forgiveness, in its essence, is a decision made on the inside to refuse to live in the past. It’s a conscious choice to release others from their sins against you so that you can be set free” (24).
In addition, we need to remember that we need forgiveness just as much as the person who has wronged us. “However painful forgiveness may be, it is infinitely better than refusing to forgive. Besides, Jesus forgave us when we were unforgivable” (48). We don’t know how deeply we may have hurt someone, or the pain they may be suffering because of it. According to Pritchard, we are not as good as we look, and at the root of our unforgiveness is our belief that we are better than they are (40-41).
He goes on to say that if we believe our sins aren’t as bad as the sins of the person we need to forgive, then we think we don’t need as much forgiveness as them. The trouble is, in thinking another person’s sins are worse than ours are, we commit the sins of self-righteousness and pride.
We must keep in mind that God hates all sin, including self-righteousness and pride. Moreover, we must always remember that all sin is first against God. In King David’s confession for his sins against Bathsheba and Uriah, the psalmist wrote, “Against you and you alone have I sinned,” (Psalm 51:4).
King David understood this principle. If we don’t want to sin against God, we should do our best not to sin against man and to confess immediately if we do. God loves a repentant heart and is always ready to forgive. But, as long as we refuse to forgive, we remain chained to the past, haunted by memories and thoughts, reliving situations in our minds, obsessing over them, dwelling on them and becoming consumed by them.
We may be holding on to our unforgiveness and anger because we think if we let go and forgive the person then we are letting them ‘get away with it’. That is a misconception. Just because we forgive someone and stop dealing with what he or she did to us, that doesn’t mean God isn’t dealing with that person. God disciplines His children and punishes the unsaved. No one ‘gets away’ with anything. God is just, and we must trust Him to handle the situation in His own time and way.
Also, we may think forgiving someone means we have to keep ‘taking it’. That is also a misconception. No one should have to remain in an abusive relationship. Yes, the Bible says we are to forgive the person, but no, we don't have to accept things the way they are. Remember, the forgiving is for us, for our healing.
Finally, forgiving releases us from mental bondage. Pritchard writes that, “Forgiveness is a gift we give to others. . . Forgiveness is free, but it is never cheap. Perhaps the greatest irony is that when we pay the cost of forgiveness, we are the ones who are set free” (46). And don’t we all prefer to be free?
