Toxic Relationships and the Quality of Life
Distinguishing Between Functional and Dysfunctional Relationships
While different for everyone, for a high quality of life a person should have relationships that bring fulfillment, stability, and contentment for life satisfaction. Quality of life really is not dependent upon one’s degree of wealth or material possessions. It is more dependent upon the relationships a person has - at work, in the family and friendships, and the degree of intimacy and satisfaction they bring into a person’s life.
According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People (Simon and Schuster, 1995) a toxic person is "anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused."
Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships support, encourage, inspire, and help one to improve and develop in a natural and functional manner. Healthy relationships are not just desirable, they are essential to human growth and development - and satisfaction and fulfillment in life. They show kindness, spontaneous warmth and affection, trust, acceptance, understanding and mutual support and encouragement. In healthy relationships, one feels safe, valued and respected.
In contrast to healthy relationships, are the toxic relationships. More often than not, these are emotionally abusive such as mind games and put downs, playing the blame game, instilling guilt, manipulating, or telling jokes which are really disguised humiliation. They tend to drain people of energy and inflict pain.
Signs of Toxic Relationships
There are many different types of toxic relationships. Many are easily identifiable such as outright abuse or rigid control over the family money, but others are less easily identifiable.
According to “25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic”, (AC Associated Content Lifestyle, Kathy Reed O’Gorman, August 10, 2005), there are several signs to tell if one may be in such a relationship. One sign of being in a toxic relationship is a person is put down verbally, in private or in front of others. Another sign is if one finds oneself crying often or feeling depressed over a relationship. Other signs include a feeling of being afraid or unsafe, afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting a partner, feeling out of control of their life, or having a lower self-esteem since they have been with that partner.
Toxic relationships are not always so overtly abusive. It does not necessarily need to be outright physical or mental abuse. Often the negativity, criticism, power and control, dependency needs or other manipulation can be subtle. Even as such it is still real and very pervasive, and still toxic for the person in the relationship.
What to do if in a Toxic Relationship
The best advice is prevention, strive to avoid toxic relationships altogether. When one first enters into a relationship, “test” for compatibility issues to see if it is a complementary relationship. If not, it should be ended, not prolonged.
If one finds oneself in a toxic relationship and chooses not to leave, then entering into personal or couples counseling is a primary objective. There are also relationship support groups available that can give support and help teach coping mechanisms.
Depending upon the circumstances, it may be suggested that a person not stay in a relationship that hurts. If this is the case, one might decide to end the relationship. If so, seek support and assistance and make preparations and follow through.
In any case, if there is real physical abuse or a life threatening situation, the individual must reach out for professional assistance, make plans, and leave to find a safe haven.
A healthy relationship lifts and elevates but a toxic relationship - no matter how strong a person is - will bring one down. Especially in today’s world, one needs to be aware and act wisely.
References
25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic
Healing From Toxic Relationships
How to Have a Happy and Healthy Family
Bad Relationships Cause Pain
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