Why Do We Resist Apologizing?
Several Reasons Why We Can't Say, 'I'm Sorry'.
Why is it so difficult for us to apologize? To say two simple words; I'm sorry. While the act of speaking the words is hard, the answer to the question is easy.
Why can’t we just get it over with and apologize? Perhaps the number one reason we refuse, or hesitate, to apologize is our pride. A powerful emotion that has lead to the destruction of many, pride is simply focusing our thoughts on ourselves. However, in doing so, we usually end up hurting someone else.
In, Praying God’s Word, Beth Moore states, “The most effective means the enemy has to keep believers from being full of the Spirit is to keep us full of ourselves. . . Pride is self-absorption whether we’re absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are.” (57-58).
Another reason we don’t apologize is that we must humble ourselves in order to do so. We must admit we said or did something wrong. That, of course, wounds our pride. We want to be right, and sometimes that means even at all costs.
A third reason is our embarrassment over our behavior. How much more shameful to have to humble ourselves and apologize for our actions. Better to deny our guilt or justify our actions than admit being too terrified to apologize. The trouble with that is that the problem is still there.
An undeniable emotion that can cause us not to apologize is fear. Like pride, fear can motivate us to remain silent for a number of reasons. If we admit our guilt, we know we must face the consequences. Or, if after we humble ourselves, our apology isn’t accepted, we face the sting of rejection. Therefore, to avoid such fearful experiences, we ‘clam up’. Of course, that only compounds the problem. To face our fear and apologize, despite the outcome, helps to release us from the torment of enslaving fear. The Bible speaks of refusing fear many times. 2 Timothy 1:7 states “For God did not give us a spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Unfortunately, there are those who no longer have the conscience to apologize. Years of denial have numbed some people’s emotions and they deny what they did or said was even wrong. If they admitted it was, they would have to stop. Forsake the sin. But they don’t want to. Instead, they find ways to justify the behavior. They may convince themselves that it’s not wrong because ‘everybody else does it’. This way they can stifle the feelings of guilt associated with it. In reality, they are masking the truth and that doesn’t make the problem go away.
Many of us want to believe that because the ‘world’ says something is acceptable that it is. Yet, in our hearts, we know it’s not. If we come to understand and face our feelings of humility, shame, fear and self-consciousness, then we may be able to find the courage to apologize and possibly mend, or even salvage, a significant relationship.
